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“The goal of this split-second eye contact is to impress my image upon their mind, so that if they do hit me, they will be forced to spend the rest of their days picturing the terrified face of the person they ran over in his last moments of life,” said local man Adam Hartsell, who emphasized the importance of not only locking eyes with each and every oncoming driver, but also delivering a hard stare that conveys a stern moral appraisal of any who would not brake their vehicle in time. #TheOnion

A post shared by The Onion (@theonion) on Feb 7, 2019 at 12:45pm PST